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The Unexpected Ease of Older Child Adoption

rmunro — Mon, 14 May 2012 23:15:44 +0000

When Bob and Agnes Wells first adopted in 2002, they — like many families adopting from China at the time — came home with a healthy, infant daughter. Several years later, when they returned to Holt for their second adoption, the wait to adopt a healthy, infant girl had dramatically lengthened. After opening their hearts to special needs adoption, they were matched with a 6-year-old girl with delayed speech. As to be anticipated, they encountered some unknowns in China. And once home, they were again surprised — this time to discover that their second adoption was, in fact, easier than their first!

by Agnes Wells

Bob with Jane, Agnes with Margot.

In 2002, we adopted our older daughter, Jane, from China at the age of nine months. She was a healthy infant, and she made us perfectly happy. When we decided the time was right to increase the size of our family, we chose to adopt again from China. Because our experience had been so positive the first time, we also decided to adopt again through Holt.

When we began the process the second time, we decided to adopt a 2 to 3-year-old so that there would not be such a great age difference between our two children. As the standard process took longer and longer, we asked for a 3 to 5-year-old girl. We were not open to a child with many disabilities, but we did look into the special needs option and put our names on that list.

We got information about a couple of different children, but felt no pressure to choose any child who was not right for our family. Finally, after our dossier had been in China for four and a half years, we received a call about the child who would become our second daughter, Margot. She was 6 and a half at the time (Jane was 9 and a half), and her disability was that she had delayed speech and was sometimes difficult to understand.

Other than that, she was perfectly healthy.

We played “catch-up” with the paperwork, some of which had expired, but everyone was really helpful. We traveled to China in late February of 2011. This time, instead of being part of a group of several families, we were the only ones adopting through Holt.

The Holt team in China took very good care of us and was always around when we needed them. We had been given information that Margot had been in foster care, which was true, but we discovered when we met her that it had only been for a short time when she was a baby. The orphanage director said that she left foster care and returned to the orphanage because “it was not a good foster family.” He did not elaborate. I was worried that she would have a difficult time adjusting to living with a family, as is common among children who have grown up in institutions. Margot’s adjustment, however, has been a lot easier than I thought. She is a kind and sweet child. She gives us hugs and kisses. She likes to read and play and snuggle. She does get mad with her parents and fight with her sister, just like any other child.

Agnes with Margot.

Since we have been back, Margot has gone to public school. She is in English as a Second Language classes, and her English is getting better every day. We have found through routine testing that she has astigmatism in one eye, so she now wears glasses. Also, she has slight hearing loss in one ear, which may account for the delayed speech. She now wears a hearing aid in that ear, and her speech has become much clearer.

Margot does exhibit some behavior that may have to do with having been in an institution for six years. She is really rough with books and toys although she loves them. She and Jane get along, but they also fight like any other sisters.

All in all, this has been such a positive experience for our family and one I would not trade for the world.

Jane (left) and Margot with a moose.

Things I had feared about adopting an older child – fighting, screaming, sobbing – did not come to pass. Our life is not perfect; it was difficult to bring someone who was school-aged into a family that had been functioning just fine for nine years. I must say that I was very slack when it came to doing research about adopting an older child. I didn’t read many articles or any blogs about it. I just figured that we would pull through and we have. It must have been so frustrating for her to have such a hard time communicating for all those months, but Margot has come so far. We can understand almost everything she says now and she understands us completely.

During the past year, she has even taught herself how to swim, jump off the diving board, and ride a bicycle!

My husband and I would absolutely recommend adopting an older child to anyone who is thinking about it. It was easier than our first adoption by far. Even though she didn’t speak English, Margot was able at 6 and a half to understand and cooperate a lot more than Jane — at 9 months — had been able to when we first adopted her. We sent Margot a letter and photos before we went to pick her up, and when we arrived in China, she understood what was happening and had been prepped for us. With Jane, because she was 9 months old, she could understand that she was being handed to these strange people. But she didn’t know why, and was really upset. Also, because we had adopted once before from China with Holt, we knew more of what to expect — although some things had changed in 9 years!

Margot has brought so much joy to our lives! Right before we left for China, a neighbor of ours who had adopted a baby domestically and then a 3-year-old from Ethiopia said, “The second year is easier than the first!”

If that’s true, we’re in for smooth sailing.

Interested in learning more about Holt’s China program and adopting a child with special needs? Click here to visit our China pages online.

Congratulations, Dr. Dana Johnson!

rmunro — Thu, 10 May 2012 01:32:28 +0000

Congratulations to our dear friend Dana Johnson, MD, PhD, for receiving a lifetime achievement award from the Joint Council on International Children’s Services (JCICS). In 1985, Dr. Johnson and his wife adopted their son from Calcutta, India. A year later, he co-founded the International Adoption Clinic at the University of Minnesota – the first clinic of its kind in the world. As a pioneer in the field of international adoption medicine, he deepened our understanding of the conditions that shape the early lives of internationally adopted children. His research and legislative advocacy have improved the health, development and medical treatment of children both in country, and once home with their families. And through the years, he has been a wonderful partner to us in our service of orphaned, abandoned and vulnerable children. For that, we at Holt are forever grateful.

In 2005, we presented Dr. Johnson with the Harry Holt award. View the video below to learn more about Dr. Johnson’s extraordinary contribution to the field of international adoption medicine.

Wordless Wednesday!

rmunro — Wed, 09 May 2012 21:30:58 +0000

A Boy You Just Want to Hug

rmunro — Mon, 07 May 2012 19:45:39 +0000

Dean, 7, is this week’s featured waiting child. Share Dean’s story to help find him a family!

Date of Birth: April 1, 2005

A little over a year ago, Holt social worker Marissa Leuallen visited a little boy waiting for a family in southeastern China. Here’s what she had to say about Dean*, then 6:

“I didn’t spend much time with him, but he was always smiling (very cute smile), clearly a bright and engaging child who is adored by his foster mom. She was the one who bragged about how they read the bible together and his ability to recite passages. He’s not at all fazed by his medical condition and was throwing around a ball like it was nobody’s business. He had a sparkle in his eyes (and those cute blue glasses) that I still remember, and it’s been a year!”

Last month, Dean turned 7 – and he is still waiting for a family. This, Marissa finds hard to fathom.

“He’s the kind of little boy you just want to pick up and squeeze,” she says. “I really can’t believe he has not found a family yet.”

Dean* was found abandoned on August 3, 2005, then about 4 months old. He spent a year at the local social welfare institute before joining a foster family at nearly a year and a half. In his foster family, he has grown into an active, talkative and confident boy. His foster mother says he likes learning and has a good memory. He loves basketball, soccer and playing the piano. Art is his favorite subject.

Energetic and happy, Dean can also be somewhat hyperactive, which makes it hard for him to pay attention in school. But he responds to questions asked of him and follows directions well.

Due to a congenital deformity in his left arm, Dean can’t use his left hand. He also has vision loss in his right eye and weakness in his left. With corrective lenses, however, he sees well. Dean’s “disabilities” do not seem to disable Dean much at all; his vision loss does not interfere with his daily life, and he has good motor skills, allowing him to accomplish tasks independently.

“We believe that Dean is a smart, active and lovely child,” write his social workers at the social welfare institute. “We hope that he could be adopted by a loving foreign family who is able to give him a good education and nurture him to grow happily and healthily.”

This is also what we hope for Dean.

An active family with older boys would be ideal for this energetic young man. His adoptive family should also have access to developmental resources that will help him reach his full potential.

For more information about Dean, please contact Erin Mower at erinm@holtinternational.org.

* name changed

Save the Adoption Tax Credit!

rmunro — Fri, 04 May 2012 18:59:43 +0000

Since 1997, the adoption tax credit has helped thousands of American families offset the high cost of adoption. Beginning in 2003, families that adopted children with special needs could claim the full credit, regardless of their qualified adoption expenses.

Ultimately, this credit has made it possible for children to join loving families — families that might not otherwise have been able to afford the cost of adoption. But right now, this important resource is in peril.

The current adoption tax credit is set to expire on December 31, 2012. If that happens, many American families may not be able to afford the cost to adopt. Consequently, fewer children will find the loving, permanent families they deserve. Although the credit remains through 2012, many families will not benefit because it is not refundable. In 2013, the credit will decrease to only $6,000. What’s more, it will only be available to very few adoptive families.

The adoption tax credit must continue. For many families, it may be the deciding factor in whether to adopt. And for many children, it is the critical link to a loving, stable home.

Congress must act now to pass legislation that will protect and extend the adoption tax credit.

Take action today! You can find your representative and senator’s contact information by visiting: www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm or www.house.gov/representatives.

On April 17, Representative Bruce Braley introduced the Making Adoption Affordable Act (HR 4373). If you are contacting your representative’s office, ask your representative to become a co-sponsor of HR 4373. There is no companion legislation in the Senate yet, so you can simply ask your senators to support an adoption tax credit that is inclusive, refundable, flat for special needs adoptions, and permanent.

For more resources and information about the campaign to save this important credit, visit Save The Adoption Tax Credit at www.adoptiontaxcredit.org.

Wordless Wednesday!

rmunro — Wed, 02 May 2012 21:40:53 +0000

A “Perfect” Adoption

rmunro — Tue, 01 May 2012 23:05:07 +0000

Fred and Caroline Hille adopted from China through Holt’s special needs process. Here, Fred describes their life-changing journey for — and with — their daughter, Marianna Wei.

Our adoption journey was filled with the usual things all adoption journeys are known for…frustration, anxiety, expense, delays, etc.

We decided to go on the path of Chinese children with special needs for several reasons.

1) We had been frustrated by the lack of movement in other domestic and international adoption areas we had previously tried.

2) As older parents, we were accepted in the program and we felt that we had a better chance of being matched with a child more quickly.

3) We decided that we could handle SOME special needs. We were honest with ourselves as to what we felt that we could deal with. In fact, what is considered to be “minor special needs” in China was really minor in our minds.

4) Even though we had some ideas of what would constitute “the perfect adoption” for our family, we remained flexible on what we would consider.

We were matched with a child in January, 2010 (within two months of starting the program in November, 2009). After continued paperwork delays, we finally got the call to be in China in October, 2010. Two weeks later we were in China picking up our new daughter. She had a cleft lip that had been repaired and other than that, she seemed perfectly healthy.

The actual “hand-off” was very emotional, chaotic, border-line crazy, and made a DMV look like a library, but it was done. Thus began our attempts to convince this 2-year-old girl with a repaired cleft lip to leave all that she had ever known and start a new life in a different country.

The first night was a test of wills. She didn’t want us too close, she was silent, and she would look at us with a suspicious eye. We ordered Chinese vegetables and French fries from room service that first night. She ate the fries, we ate the vegetables. In China, we were constantly challenged by her eating habits, but we tried to stick to fruits, grains, some proteins, and limit the sweets.

Also that first night, we all put our feet in the bathtub and started a process of night-time bathing that soothed and comforted our daughter and began to create a level of trust between us. She bonded with her mother fairly quickly. It took a while longer for her to feel comfortable with her father, but now she is friendly with all of the family. Although she is shy at first, she warms up quickly and becomes the center of attention.

When we arrived home with Marianna, she was over 2.5 years old and not speaking much of anything – Chinese or English. She is now 4 years old and she is talking all the time. She speaks exclusively English and she is using complete sentences and coming up with phrases that cause us to say, “How does she know that?”

She has not had any issues with the cleft lip in speech or anything else. Our doctor and dentist said she might need some additional cosmetic surgery or teeth work down the road, but there is certainly no urgency on that. Her cleft lip repair is barely noticeable unless one is aware of it. She pronounces words fairly clearly and appears to be developing very normally. She has not had any specialized speech therapy and at this point does not seem to need it.

She is currently going to school two half-days a week, which will increase in the fall. Her teachers say that she is doing well and is adapting very well to the curriculum and the other students.

We feel tremendously fortunate that she appears as healthy and developmentally on track as she could be and we have high hopes that she will continue to progress in her word skills and her overall development.

When we arrived home, we were overjoyed that our dog – an important member of our family – took to our daughter right away (and vice versa) and the support that we have received from family and friends has been overwhelming. The Holt people guided us and held our hands throughout the entire process to make this experience as routine as possible. We were able to witness different cultures and see some iconic worldly sites that will remain in our memory banks forever.

The whole experience was life-changing in many ways and we are forever grateful that we were able to take this step in our lives.

SNAF Stories: It’s A Wonderful Life

rmunro — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 20:23:51 +0000

Feeling grateful and inspired after adopting their daughter, Zoe, from Korea in 2010, Maryann and Cap Post decided to have a celebration — inviting 150 friends and family members. Instead of gifts, they asked for donations to Holt’s Special Needs Adoption Fund. What happened next, quite simply, blew them away.

by Robin Munro, Senior Writer

When Maryann and Charles “Cap” Post came home from Korea in October of 2010 – their newly adopted daughter Zoe in their arms – they didn’t expect fanfare. But as they pulled into the driveway of their New Jersey home around 10 p.m. that night, flashbulbs greeted their arrival.

Zoe and Maryann at Zoe's baptism party!

“My friends were in our driveway with cameras flashing,” says Maryann. “People were so happy for us that we adopted a little girl.”

Over the previous 2-and-a-half years, these same friends had stood by their side as they navigated the demanding and – at times – trying adoption process. “They knew the whole story of what it took, a lot of paperwork,” Maryann explains. So naturally, when Miss Zoe Ann Post finally came home, they couldn’t wait to meet her.

But after the excitement of their first night home, Maryann and Cap decided not to subject Zoe to any more excitement or over-stimulation – not for a while anyway.

After nearly a year had passed – and Zoe had settled into her new life – the Posts decided it was finally time to have a celebration. “It was time to plan her baptism, so I thought, well why don’t we make this a really big party – the party that we held off on having?” says Maryann.

By now, Zoe had become something of a local celebrity.

“What’s nice about our community is that everybody knows everybody,” says Maryann. “People at the supermarket know Zoe.”

The guest list for Zoe’s long-awaited party began to grow. “It got big. We invited 150 people. It got crazy!”

As she started to plan, Maryann realized that with a lot of guests would come a lot of gifts. But Zoe has everything she needs, she thought – not least of which is a loving family and a warm, stable home. “I thought…there are children so much needier,” she says.

A long-time volunteer with RESOLVE, the national infertility association, Maryann knew that many families struggling with fertility issues would consider adoption – if not for one major impediment. The cost.

“I’m always feeling grateful that we were able to afford the costs for international adoption,” she says.

Feeling grateful – and inspired – Maryann decided to turn Zoe’s baptism party into a benefit for children and families. “Kind of in the excitement of the party, the number of people coming, the chance to give back somehow, I thought, maybe I could get people to make a donation to Holt.”

She contacted Rose McBride, Holt’s senior director for major donors, who suggested that guests donate to the Special Needs Adoption Fund – a fund Holt created to help families afford the cost to adopt children with special needs. As Maryann knew from her time working with RESOLVE, the fees and expenses required to adopt a child can be daunting to any family. But families hoping to adopt a child with a special need face an even greater financial burden, as many of these children will require expensive medical procedures once home. As the vast majority of children now coming home to families have some degree of special need, the demand for SNAF grants has increased significantly in recent years.

What’s more, many of the children who join families with the help of SNAF grants are “waiting children” – children who might not have another opportunity to be adopted.

Maryann was convinced. “I thought, ‘how wonderful to honor Zoe and help a family who wants to adopt. I thought, how wonderful,” she says.

The Post Family.

Zoe was not a waiting child. But like many children now coming home to families in the U.S. from Korea, she was born with a normal, neonatal condition. “Zoe had a low birth weight, but that didn’t qualify her for special needs,” Maryann explains.

Even though Zoe herself didn’t have special needs, Maryann saw Zoe’s baptism party as a great opportunity to raise both funds for – and awareness of – special needs adoption. “I used it as an opportunity to educate,” she says.

As far as the fundraising-in-lieu-of-gifts idea, Maryann didn’t know what to expect. “In the back of my mind, I was hoping people are generous. I was thinking, oh, I hope they write a big check,” she says, laughing. “Of course, I wouldn’t think that for a gift for me.”

But then, as she started to add up the donations, she had a true George Bailey moment – realizing just how rich in friends, great friends, she truly was. “They were really generous,” she says. “It just blew me away.”

With their friends and family, Maryann and Cap Post shared both the struggle of the adoption process, and the joy of bringing her home. And then they shared Zoe, who Maryann describes as “healthy and happy and adorable and everything you want in a child.”

How could that not inspire her friends to help other families and children?

“They know it’s important to us. And because of their connection to us and loving Zoe, it’s important to them,” says Maryann. “You’re helping a family have a child in their lives, and what’s more important than that?”

In honor of Zoe, Maryann and Cap raised over $5,000 for the Special Needs Adoption Fund — helping at least two families who would not otherwise have the funds to adopt, and two children who might not have another chance to join a family.

Help more children join the loving families they need and deserve! Give a gift to the SNAF fund today!

Wordless Wednesday! — April 11th

Ashli Keyser — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 16:49:01 +0000

Gianna, 8, and her little sister Daisy, 3. Both were adopted from China — Gianna in 2005 and Daisy on Mother’s Day of 2010!

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS — International Adoptee Photo Book

rmunro — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 19:39:26 +0000

Please submit your photos by April 30th to be featured in A Day in the Life of International Adoptees photo book!

A Day in the Life of International Adoptees (working title) is a photo book that will depict — you guessed it! — a day in the life of international adult adoptees! The book will include adult adoptees from a variety of birth countries who now live in different countries around the world.

With this book, we intend to provide an opportunity to engage and connect with the broader adult adoptee community in a way that is creative, expressive and visual. It will feature adult adoptees as they see themselves, not as seen by others.

GUIDELINES

Photos may include pictures of other family members, friends, pets or other individuals (up to 3 submissions per person).

Photographs: Images must be high resolution (300 dpi) and sized to print in approximately an 8 x 10” configuration (minimum). Poor quality images will not be considered. Any changes suggested by the editor will be subject to approval by the contributor. Please Note: Contributors must be willing and able to grant non-exclusive publishing rights to Yeong & Yeong Book Company for use of the submitted work in A Day in the Life of International Adoptees.

Deadline for submission: April 30, 2012
If you have questions, please contact Courtney Young at courtneyy@holtinternational.org

Click here to submit photograph(s)

*This email/link may be posted, or shared with others.