Some of the earliest memories I have are of wanting to help children. At the time, I don’t think I even knew the word “adoption.”  What I did know was I wanted to be a mom to children who didn’t already have one.

In 2002, I married my husband, Taylor, and within a year, I became pregnant with our first child, Ben*.  We began trying for our second child shortly afterward, but after 2 ½ years of trying to conceive, we began fertility treatments.  As we were leaving our first session, the nurse said to us, “Don’t worry, we will get you pregnant.”  At that moment, we realized: it’s not a fertility clinic’s place to “get us pregnant.”

I had brought up the idea of adoption to Taylor before.  After deciding against fertility treatment, we returned to the idea, long on hold. Our journey began in 2007. Shortly thereafter, I finally achieved my childhood dream. Through adoption, I became a mom to a child who needed one.

Our beautiful daughter came home to us from Ethiopia at age 19 months. The first 6 months home were really hard. But once we reached 6 months, things started getting easier, and we realized: we could do this again. After 9 months home with Leah*, we began our second adoption, this time with Holt.  Thinking we wanted our daughter to have a sibling with the same heritage, we applied for Holt’s Ethiopia program. Holt then asked us to consider their Uganda program. The majority of the children, however, were of an age that we did not feel comfortable with – either older than our eldest or about the same age as our daughter.  We decided to stay with the Ethiopia program.

Even though we decided not to go with the Uganda program, our hearts still went to those older children. They just seem to wait so much longer than the younger ones. Most families want babies.  Older kids seem to have such a slim chance at a family.  So, a few days later, I asked to see the files of Holt’s waiting children from Uganda. I wanted to see their faces.  I wanted to know who to pray for.  It makes everything so much more real when I see a face – not just a number or statistic or a file, but a face.

Both my children stood at my side as I opened file after file. Still, none of the children fit the age range with which we felt comfortable. They were either between our two children or older than our oldest.

But after opening seven children’s files, we opened Jacob’s*.

Ben – who looked at the previous seven without saying a word – instantly said, “Mom, we need to adopt him. He’d be perfect for our family.” He then promptly left my side to go play. I realized then that God had other plans for our family – a plan that didn’t include another journey to Ethiopia.

Taylor and I prayed a lot and discussed Jacob’s file at length. Jacob was only 9 months younger than our eldest.  This gave us a lot to think upon – two boys only 9 months apart in age.  We realized they could either be the best of friends or the worst of enemies. We thought about the time constraints we might face if they chose to be involved in different activities within the same season.  We thought about the cost of sending them to college that close together. But in the end, we agreed: we wanted to adopt this boy with the amazingly sweet, mischievous smile.

First and foremost, we felt it was God’s will for our family to adopt Jacob.  We also decided that Jacob needed a home more than we needed the “easy” way out.  We realized that things may be harder for us for a while, but not near as hard as a lifetime spent in an orphanage would be for Jacob.

I can still hear the sweet voice on the other end of the phone telling us he was ours.

At the end of August 2010, we left our home to meet our son.

In the last year, I’ve been asked more times than I can count the difference between our two adoptions.  “Which one was easier – at 19 months or 6 years of age?” I’m often asked. That’s not an easy question to answer.  Both have been the hardest things I’ve done in my life, yet both have brought the most blessings as well.

But in some ways, it is actually easier adopting an older child.

Because Jacob was 6 years old when we adopted him, we could talk and reason with him in a way we couldn’t with our 19-month-old. Although Leah knew that everything in her life was different, we couldn’t help her through that. We were not able to reason with her. In Uganda, the orphanage staff was able to prepare Jacob for the change about to happen in his life. They walked him through the idea of adoption while still in familiar surroundings. He knew we were coming, and why, and when we met him, we were able to talk to him. When we shared photos, he understood what we were showing him.

Jacob has always been able to tell us what he needs.  That doesn’t mean it’s always been easy to meet his needs, but he’s at least been able to express them.  Younger children can’t express themselves quite so easily, and we sometimes struggled to understand our daughter’s needs.

I don’t mean to paint a rosy picture. This last year has been hard, but it’s been beautiful to watch Jacob start to come out of his hard shell – and become a child in the truest sense of the word.

Jacob had a need to control every aspect of everything around him, including our family life. Jacob has a huge fear that something bad is going to happen to me when he’s not by my side, which can be a bit suffocating.  He needs to know every person we talked to on the phone. He needs to know exactly what the next day will be like. He doesn’t handle changes well, whether in our usual schedule at home or in the seating arrangement in his classroom at school.  To Jacob, change means something bad can – and will – happen to him.  Jacob’s way of dealing with stress is very worrisome.  But all of this pales in comparison to what we see slowly emerging within him.

We see a little boy learning to be a child and to lose the fear that developed over four years in orphanage care.

The first five years of a child’s life, the parents lay the foundation. Before we said “yes” to adopting an older child, we were told we needed to understand this concept well. We missed out on building that foundation. Someone else helped build his foundation, but it has lots of cracks in it.  It’s not built on solid ground. It’s shifty.  Our job is to help him repair that foundation the best we can.  We can help repair the big cracks that we see, but what worries us the most are the hairline cracks that are not visible to the naked eye.  The little things that we don’t understand about all he’s endured up until now. The things that maybe he doesn’t even know, but that cause him to act and react to stimuli in certain ways.  We feel these are the hardest things with an older child adoption. But these are also what make it the most rewarding – to see your child grow and make sturdier his foundation in life.

I’m often asked, “If you did it again, which age would you choose?” To this, I can honestly answer, “Older.” Jacob so longed for a family, and when we first brought him home, he would repeatedly ask, “Why didn’t you come sooner?”

Our heart truly goes out to older children that wait for families, and wonder – like Jacob – why it’s taking so long.

*names changed

National Adoption Month is underway! Join our campaign to advocate for older children, children with special needs and boys…

Every weekday throughout November, Holt will feature a different waiting child on Holt’s blog. Repost the child’s story on Facebook and Twitter, print prayer cards to guide prayers for the featured children, and/or download a bulletin insert to share at church.

For more info on how you an help change the conversation this November, click here.

Birthdate: October, 2002, Africa

by Ashli Keyser, Managing Editor

I just read through Jamie’s bio on Holt’s Waiting Child photolisting. She’s 8 years old and lives in Africa. I’m often drawn to the cute, endearing qualities in the children’s bios — the qualities that make each child unique and special.

Jamie loves to sing. Most children do. But Jamie likes to sing gospel music, in particular. I smile at this little detail and think of gospel songs Jamie might know. This thought takes me back to my Sunday school days…..

I’m 4 years old, standing on the edge of a church stage and wearing a pretty blue, flowered dress. My hair is curled and in a ponytail. I’m short. The height of the stage only adds to my nervousness. Fifteen other children stand with me, waiting to sing. Having practiced this song many times, I shouldn’t be nervous. But I am. I hear the piano start. Unsure of myself, I slowly scan the audience and find two familiar faces – my mom and dad. We lock eyes. They smile at me, and I smile back. The nerves quickly dissipate as I start to sing…..

“Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak, but He is strong.”

With my parent’s love, their smiles and encouragement, I confidently make it through the song.

I think back to Jamie’s love of gospel music and wonder if she’s ever been taught this popular and universal Sunday school song. Maybe she sings it in Luganda, her native language…. ay yah gah lahn zeh, ay yah gah lahn zeh, ay yah gah lahn zeh, Yayogera bw’atyo.” Maybe she doesn’t know it yet, and needs a family to teach it to her.

Today, Jamie sings to her friends and caretakers. She sings to these special people in her life because, at nine months old, Jamie was abandoned by her parents and brought to a Holt care center. Her parents weren’t around to teach her the songs she has grown to love. They weren’t around to listen to Jamie sing for them.

Because she was abandoned at such a young age, not much is known about Jamie’s past.

But today Jamie’s life is much different. Jamie is a friendly and happy child who loves to smile and laugh.  Her caretakers say she is responsible and driven.  She can count, say her alphabet and identify body parts, all of which she does by singing songs, of course. Jamie loves to play outside and makes friends easily. She loves her friends, and they love her, as do her caretakers.

And just as the classic children’s song says, Jesus loves Jamie too. God has a plan for Jamie….and you can be part of that plan. Maybe you aren’t Jamie’s future parents, but maybe someone you know has been praying for a child like Jamie. Share her story with them. And pray that the perfect family comes for her soon.

Jamie needs a family to teach her new things – teach her new words and new songs. She needs a family to listen to her sing, and to give her confidence when she does sing.

So that maybe, one day, she too can stand on a stage, look out into the audience and see loving, familiar faces – her mom and dad, smiling and cheering her on as she starts to sing……

“…. ay yah gah lahn zeh, ay yah gah lahn zeh ….Yes, Jesus Loves Me…. For the Bible tells me so.”

We know that Jesus loves Jamie. And somewhere, we know, a family is waiting to love her too. Let’s help bring them together.

Click here to read more about Jamie and the requirements to adopt her.

Contact Erin Mower at erinm@holtinternational.org for more information.

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We visit an elderly grandmother’s home that has been featured in several stories surrounding our work with AFC and sponsorship in Uganda. I have read her stories and seen the work done to her home and the impact it has had on her life. Today we arrive at her small vegetable stand where she has a few offerings of tomatoes and bananas. As we approach, she quickly stands up from her work and hurries over to greet the AFC staff and Gary Gamer. Sara, a social worker in the field for AFC, introduces us to the grandmother and gives us yet another update. Come to find out, the grandmother has begun yet another micro enterprise for herself and the 11 children in her care. She has begun a small business weaving reed mats. These mats can be found in all homes, regardless of income level, and are in high demand. High quality of craftmanship commands a better price. The grandmother has a talent for weaving and is doing this industry in addition to her food stand. Holt International donor teams have come to this grandmother’s home to build a foundation, then a new roof. Now this woman has refurbished her surrounding buildings and is renting them out for extra income. As if this weren’t enough, she felt that her new dwelling was nearly more than she needed, so she consolidated her belongings and converted one of her rooms to a community school for the 11 grandchildren and other children in the community.

This woman is a shining example of Holt’s vision to lift up families and strengthen them. Starting with the child as the focus of this vision, we see these efforts spill over to the families and the surrounding community, and together they all work for what’s best for the child.

See a brief report from Gary Gamer in the field with this grandmother. Click here to view it on YouTube.