A 25-year friendship has brought perspective on life
By Kim Fenneman
Life takes unexpected twists and turns over the years, but when you’re 7 years old it’s still a simple, extraordinary world of wonder and possibilities. But as you grow older you understand the important things in life…health, happiness, family and friends.
Friends. How simple yet life-changing they can be. Let me start from the beginning….
I always knew I was adopted and it never bothered me. I didn’t always know exactly what it meant; I just thought I was special, and since no one in my family or community treated me any differently than anyone else, I had no reason to feel awkward or self-conscious. I was just a young Korean child running around and exploring the broad countryside of a small, dairy farm in north central Iowa. What’s so unusual about that? I value the time I had on the farm, but that all changed on July 18, 1983. It was a day that drastically changed my life and the lives of my family. It was around 7:30 a.m. when my older brother screamed, “The house is on fire!”
A few months before that tragic day, I wrote Holt to request a pen pal. They published the request in an issue of their magazine. I received over fifteen letters from girls all over the country and was shocked and excited that so many people had responded. I wish I could have kept in contact with all of them, but I kept a few and let my friends write to the others. As the months went by some had stopped writing, but one continued to write. Ironically, her letter was the very first one I had received.
After the fire things were very emotional and tough for my family and me. There were a lot of changes and uncertainties ahead. We moved to a suburb of Dallas. It was not only a culture shock, but a change that would influence the rest of our lives forever. Through it all, my pen pal, Kara, continued to write me, one of the only bright spots in my life. I now believe she helped me through it all just by being my friend and showing that she cared through her letters. Our friendship has grown into a wonderful and sacred bond between two such similar people.
In the summer of 1993 after my high school graduation, I flew to Minnesota where she lives. I knew I would finally get to meet her, but the thought of it didn’t sink in until I was walking down the hall of the hotel to the lobby. I felt very anxious, nervous and extremely excited! This was it! A very special dream was coming true!
As I rounded the corner to the lobby, the adrenaline was rushing through me. Finally, we saw a red car pull into the parking lot. I was so nervous I couldn’t look, but when she walked through the door I was so overwhelmed with happiness. We hugged and it was like hugging an old friend that I hadn’t see in ten years. We introduced our families and decided to go over to the Mall of Americas. She and I decided to walk around together so we could talk and really get to know each other.
Time seemed to stand still just so we could talk and laugh together. That’s one thing you can’t do in a letter…laugh together. I felt completely comfortable with her and her family, and even our parents felt that way. It was so wonderful to see them meet and see how much they had in common. I had never really thought about that before until I heard them talking about how they felt when they were waiting for us to arrive on the plane from Korea or how they felt the first time they held us.
Kara is truly a unique friend who knows and shares some of the same cultural experiences. Are we Asian, Asian-American, or American? How do we see ourselves? How do others see us? How do people react when they find out we’re adopted? Does it matter? Even though we don’t see each other every day or often, we still share a special bond that only we can fully understand and appreciate. We understand and can empathize with each other because we’ve seen the world through similar eyes. And even though our lives have taken a lot of twists and turns, one thing remains constant….our friendship.
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